#legit the hardest thing i ever did

[inkskinned]

im having a particularly terrible night with urges and imagery that i dont know how to handle. i gave in to some things. held back on some others. but im barely holding on, dear internet stranger.

you do not owe me your time or your words.. but if you could write some hope into existence for me.. i would be unendingly grateful to you.

please. tell me how you do it. tell me how you survive. because im not so sure i can get through the fifteen days it'll take to get to my seventeenth birthday.

could you please give me something to place my faith in? i dont think the universe is watching out for me anymore.

i don't usually answer these, because i am not a professional, and you deserve professional help. when i was 17 i was terrified of the idea of professional help, because my household was extremely unsafe, and made it clear that if i ever chose to get help, i would be punished for it.

i hope this is not your case. i hope that you can call someone, and they can take you where you should go.

but i will give you the advice that i wish i got, when i couldn't get help at 17, when i was so bad that years later, i literally don't-know-how-i-survived it: what you want is peace, not death. your brain is sick. it has romanticized an ending where there are no consequences. where effort isn't necessary. where you can just... forget.

you want peace. that is a normal, human thing to want. maybe it feels more like you want quiet. or just... to take a break for a second.

here is what i will say: to end yourself means you never get to experience what it's like to actually be happy. i thought i knew what it was like, and i was bitter about it. i'd say - i've been happy, it's not worth it, because i didn't know what i was missing. i thought that happiness meant having a partner or having a job or money or a college degree. it sounded like effort. it sounded like something that had to happen to me.

for the first time in my life, just this week, i was able to go to a concert and just-enjoy-it. no liquor, no drugs. just stomping my feet and getting caught up in it. i didn't feel nervous or self-conscious or overwhelmed. i just had a good time. these days have a lot of these firsts for me - it is the first time i can eat cake without crying. it is the first time i can be around an exacto blade without supervision. it is the first time i have too many people to call when i am crying.

i can't tell you where you'll run into happiness, only that, for me, it started once i was out of that fucking house. it started once i figured out where the pain was coming from. once i figured out that i was not possessed, something medical was wrong with me. that i am not stupid or lazy, i have depression and adhd. the first few years were difficult. at 19, during my efforts to recover, i actually got worse by a considerable margin. and then, with time and patience - i got better.

happiness doesn't feel like what you think it will. in movies it's so golden and all-encompassing. but it doesn't fly into your hands when you buy your first car nor does it arrive in the arms of a partner nor does it require passing your classes. happiness came to me on a tuesday in the form of a red-winged blackbird, and i looked at her, and she looked at me, and i said - oh. the whole world suddenly filled itself in with color. like i had been forever-asleep. like every corner of every room was suddenly glistening.

it ended quickly, back then. it just stopped in to check in on me. but it was enough - this thing i had never experienced, but that i knew (logically) could happen. before that, i was only staying because it would make my mom sad if i died. that was my only reason. and then the happiness came, so strange and brilliant and lovely that for years i couldn't even look at it directly.

these days, things are so different. life is so much easier. i don't wish for death because so much of what i have is already at peace. my boss understands when i need a mental health day. people in general are less prone to high school drama. entire communities hold my hand and have my number. i have a car and a dog and a little apartment garden and candles on all available surfaces and today i bought myself a little cake just-to-celebrate-nothing. my body is my own and we are both dancing.

there are so many things i've gotten to taste in the last 10 years. i know, for you, that is an eon, because it's more than half of your life. but if it helps? in the 5 years between 17-21: i filled myself with laughter and love. i got to be a lead in a ballet and got my first tattoo and then my second and pierced my ears the way i'd wanted to (one of them professionally the other over a hot stove with a potato) and i discovered hozier is my favorite singer (i know. he was new back then) and i got my first real job and my first real paycheck and i hadn't ever been seen as smart but then i started to actually treat my adhd as a condition rather than a burden and people started saying you're like the smartest person in the room and my best friend met her husband who i will one day stand next to as maid of honor when he is her groom and i got to help people and make a stupid blog called "inkskinned" and find out that writing is actually my passion and that maybe i'm actually kind of good at it if i just practice and i got to meet my parents' dog (his name is kaiju) and i slept on couches and kissed people and tried new things and learned how to breathe without feeling my chest tighten and that peace is here, on this planet, that peace echoes everywhere, it is in my hair and my homework and my houseplants, it is quiet and divine and mine because i fought for it and i built it and yes i lost hair over it but holy shit the whole world feels like it is shifted through a sunbeam

recently someone asked me if i could go back in time to 6th grade, with all the knowledge i have now, would i? and without thinking, i barked absolutely not. i know i should say it's because i wouldn't want to risk losing any of this stuff - but really it's because i would never survive being a teenager again. it sounds incredibly lame and impossible, fake - but being a teenager was the hardest thing i ever did. i had no voice, no control, only fear and hatred.

but i did survive it. nothing about me is special. nothing about me is stronger than you or better prepared or more efficient. i didn't survive it perfectly. i made a lot of mistakes and lost a lot of friends and harmed myself in ways that i'm still recovering from. but i did survive it. and there is a part of me looking at you in the past and saying - i'm you in the future.

and holy shit. every day. every goddamn day i'm glad we survived to see the rest of it. because you hit 18 and everything changes. like, everything. and holy shit, it is infinitely worth it.

[yo-yo-yoshiko]

Timelapse of those last two Blade peices. I actually remembered to turn the capture on for once cause I was so enthusiastic i thought this one would go smoothly but if you've ever wanted to see an artist ABSOLUTELY FIGHT a piece: here you go!!!

[dovedrangeas]

the good ol "i dont see my child as an individual with their own mind, thoughts, opinions, and unique needs, and instead i see them as an object that i can control and make plans and set up expectations for for without problem or consideration, and if they aren't in the narrow boundaries of what i want them to be, i will act like they have died and talk about how hard this is for ME" special

[idiaa-shroxd]

Unfortunately I don't play Genshin anymore due to storage problems BUT IM ALSO A WANDERER MAIN LMAO AND OMFG THANK YOY VERY MUCH FOR THE COMPLIMENT COMING FROM SOMEONE WHO'S ONE OF MY FAV AUTHORS AND YES FARUZAN SUPREMACY AAAAAAAAAAA ILY SM<333

I'm literally going crazy bc you replied to my crazed fan ask HAHAHAHAHA

\(//∇//)\ i am definitely not responding late!! i perceive time like a normal human would.. and that’s so crazy!! ♡

i have loved wanderer since maybe my first time hearing his existence?? i’m not a day-one-er but quite close! so glad he did not get signora’d. if you play on mobile you can try deleting the app and redownloading because the clear old files option doesn’t actually clear everything, and sometimes a redownload may be able to fit within your storage! i absolutely adore faruzan though!! peak character design even if she is genshin’s hatsune miku, not complaining though i think her glass looking dress-skirt is amazing. (*´∀`)♪

i’m happy to be able to talk and respond to people!! getting asks just talking to me or people sending things like how they think my writing style is pretty makes me super happy!! so i’m equally as fanboy-ing when you and others talk to me!! ╰(*´︶`*)╯

[iatrophilosophos]

One of the underdiscussed tragedies of covid is the fact that a ton of newly disabled people have been shoved into the discursive spotlight as the dominant voice on disability issues to spew frankly rancid takes

Basically everything said i have immense compassion and solidarity and time for coming from struggling individuals but whej spoken as a major discursive line, many of these takes are having pretty disastrous effects on the discourse and efficacy of the socio-medical field of chronic illness management and justice

Long covid is real, and debilitating. It's also novel-- the longest anyone can possibly have had long covid is about 5 years. I don't know that I know any chronically ill person who's condition arose as an adult who've made meaningful progress in managing their illness well in under 5 years; NOR anyone who hasn't made significant progress coping in under 10 years.

Becoming disabled is terrifying and there's a lot of grief and frustration and rage to work through-- and a lot of ableism. Most people who became #disabilityjusticeadvocates after being disabled by long covid have absolutely 0 knowledge of the history or tactics of disabled movements. Frankly offensive and ludicrous comparisons to AIDS, for example, run rampant-- despite the fact this is nothing like AIDS and ppl making these comparisons appear to be only passingly familiar with the AIDS epidemic and wholly unaware of the current abuse and criminalization forced on ppl who are HIV+. We can make critiques of how capitalism and frankly civilized society disables people, specific political critiques of covid even, without rudely and unhelpfully asserting that this is the Worst Thing That's Happened And Nobodys Ever Had It As Bad As You. It is not, and will never be, *literally illegal* to have long covid. Fuck, governments actually DID SOMETHING and responded!! It sucked, because it will always suck, it pushed poor people hardest, and so on, but cmon. You cannot seriously compare problematic but prompt vaccine rollouts and ongoing intense research into management and cures to 20 years of unaddressed death; nor a "resistance" movement that essentially amounts to insults & ineffectual propaganda to one that worked extremely hard at building communal support structures and making legit gains. Yall ain't even pumping infected air into the cdc offices. Smh.

My heart fucking hurts for the huge numbers of ppl who have become disabled without access to support and then asked to become discursive authorities on disability while still trying to figure out what living as a newly disabled person can look like, but I'm also fully pissed at the behavior of some of yall and how bystanders willing platform really ineffectual and frankly ableist shit because of "listening to affected voices".

People ARE making moves-- there are support groups and communities sharing new strategies both from DIY versions of new literature and observations from personal experiments. Nicotine patches are what I'm aware of most recently and i bieve Four Theives published a guide to a drug that *cures* a meaningful, but not fda-requirememt-satisfying # of cases. It is possible to take strides, movement is still possible, it is important to not lose rage or critique! AND everyone is still figuring this thing out (let me reiterate that long covid is getting a comparatively huge amount of research and attention than many other chronic illnesses, like fr) & the least some of yall can fucking do is not drag the entire concept of chronic illness management down in your despair.

[seiwas]

for writing game, iwaizumi + assistance <3

hope this sparks some inspo and thank you in advancee

hi there!! thanks for sending in a prompt 🫶

contains: friends to lovers (ish), halloween parties, reader is dressed as catwoman, expletives, iwaizumi is thiiiiis 🤏 close to murdering seijoh4 (jk)

iwaizumi + assistance

this is a set-up.

iwaizumi knows he shouldn't have fucking believed anything the boys "promised" him back when they assigned him this costume.

the suit is fucking tight, spandex digging into his groins and all other crevices that definitely should be aired out after after a few hours. he's had to constantly readjust his stance almost every few minutes, the black fabric compressing his thighs and torso, significantly constricting the range of motion his shoulders and arms are typically used to. if anything else, it could double up as a back brace from how rigidly straight it's kept his posture all night.

he'll give it to makki though; he did outdo himself sourcing this year's costumes―this batman set looks pretty damn legit.

except for one tiny problem.

there's no fucking pee hole. it's a zip-up, zip-down one-piece situation. and that normally wouldn't be a problem, except that oikawa "accidentally" knocked over a cocktail straight into his pants, the sickeningly sweet liquid now seeping straight into the fabric and past his boxers―cold and sticky as it touches his skin.

and so, the problem: his pants are wet, it makes him want to fucking pee, and coincidentally, the only vacant bathroom is across the hall, at your apartment.

this is why he believes this is a set up. that, and the fact that you're dressed in an outfit strikingly similar―just with cat ears.

he's been asked five times in this party if you're in matching couple outfits.

it catches him off guard, flusters him because of how badly he wants to say yes. but, you're just friends, and he doesn't even think you like him that way (despite mattsun and oikawa practically begging him to confess. makki tells him he thinks you're going to do it first).

so he politely smiles and says no, but you look good, your costume clinging to you in all the right places. thank fucking god he has a cape because he's pretty sure he spent the first 30 minutes in the party hiding his boner.

"hajime, it's fine, i swear," you stand beside him in front of the conveniently locked bathroom in oikawa's apartment. from the other side of the door, he's pretty sure he hears mattsun and his girlfriend mumbling. maybe fucking? who knows. "you can just use the bathroom in my apartment."

he glances at you before closing his eyes, contemplating, before finally agreeing to you.

"okay."

if he's being honest with himself, friends is definitely an incomplete label to what you are. as oikawa's neighbor, you are conveniently around all the time; and oikawa being oikawa, the ever-social butterfly, he's somehow managed to carve a space for you in the friend group.

(never mind the fact that oikawa's sniffed him out from the moment he first introduced you.)

you were a crush, then a friend, and now you're someone he picks up from work and drives back home three times a week, because he "has to train oikawa." you don't question it, even when you both know he stays over for dinner way past the gym's open hours.

"you know where it is," you open your apartment and urge him in.

"sorry again," he turns to face you.

"yeah, yeah, just pee!" you laugh, shoving him towards the bathroom door.

getting out of the suit is manageable, and he's able to wipe off a bit of the cocktail that's leaked to the suit and his boxers just to make sure it isn't gross and sticky when he gets home later. peeing is a big relief once he gets it over with, but it's when he has to suit up again that things become difficult.

stretching out the spandex one body part at a time is a workout in itself―the hardest task being when he has to pull it over his shoulders, adjusting it to fit properly over his arms and chest.

but then the zipper breaks.

and he truly thinks makki has fucked him over.

iwaizumi contemplates what to do next for a good, good while. he tries calling oikawa, only to no success every time; no way in hell is he calling mattsun in the middle of having sex. and calling makki isn't even an option; he'd never hear the end of it.

then you knock on the door, your voice soft and concerned as you ask, "hajime? you good in there?" you hit it spot on, too, "do you need help with your suit?"

iwaizumi presses his palms to his eyes. he's a rational man, straightforward and logical in thinking. there is literally no other option for him right now but to ask help from you. again.

fuck.

.

it's 30 minutes later when oikawa barges in your door, and the sight that greets him is iwaizumi in nothing but a hoodie (the hoodie you borrowed some time ago) and his boxers, with his hands on your waist as you hover your hairdryer over the crotch of his batman costume―cat headpiece off and all.

"you finally got together?!"

[tracistars]

SUMMER SONG

⸻ ୨ৎ DARYL DIXONXYOUNG!READER ୨ৎ-

reader is like 18-19. very massive age gap just for fair warning due to Daryl legit being in his late 40s-50s. Cigarette burns, rude daryl, gets his nasty fingers in your panties, spitting, dubcon, very extreme kink/fetish, eating you out. ( btw i haven't watched twd since ancient times, so I apologize if I haven't gotten any of this right. I'm currently rewatching it, also don't mind if daryl is ooc this is js a silly diddle. Also not proof read! )

Daryl was a man you were quite fond of. He was always closed off... rude... or just quiet. You guys never really talked unless it was important. His most active times were during the night, usually smoking fresh cigarettes he'd find in some walkers' pants, or overall people, but most times she found him smoking old butted out cigarettes that had been butted out for a good decade or so, loosing all the flavor and buzz to the small little cancer filled sticks.

Weeks had passed, and they were sent out to go look for certain supplies. It wasn't a big thing, so they sent you and daryl out. It was a quiet trip, the occasional flicks of his lighters, grunts were the entirety of the noises made the whole trip to the destination they needed to be... of course nature took its part making the awkward tension between you too not so awkward with the rustling of leaves, twigs snapping, of course the fleshy noises of killing walkers. God you hated walkers.. the scent of decay and fermented blood always burned your nose... you covered your noise as you watched daryl take out the walkers much quicker than you'd ever be able too.

As blood splattered against his bruised knuckles decorating the cigarette burns against his wrists... couldn't help stare. You were quickly pulled out of your questions and head when daryl yelled at you to pay fucking attention, you jumped realizing a walker was alittle to close for comfort.. you tried to reach for your hunting knife but dropped it. Stumbling back feeling the zombie trip over you, panicked trying to push the dead weight off you.. trying your hardest to avoid the foul smelling mouth. With a quick movement of daryl pulling the walker off you watching how he didn't hesitate to stomp in the walkers skull.. you screamed feeling the unnaturally cold foul smelling blood splattered against your face.. chunks of thin rotting skin decorated your hair and forehead. You trembled, stumbling upwards.

" fucking idiot! Watch your goddamn surroundings! you knew there was gonna be walkers... "

He scowled... feeling yourself shiver his thick southern accent loud in your ears... his voice bounced off the forest.. and you stood there.. clenching your fists.. you didn't say anything, you didn't understand why.. nor did you understand why you stayed silent taking his bullshit... but you did... staring at him like a hurt puppy. He shook his head.

" your damn glad I was near you... for fucks sakes... let's get going... "

a few hours had passed eventually you made it to the destination Carol had sent you two. You looked around.. already trying to see if there was anything of value or use. Daryl on the other hand just stood there, watching you pick up things and throw them in your bag.. he'd help you eventually, but he needed a damn cigarette from your idiocy earlier. Flick... flick.. flick.. his lighter finally came to a start, lighting his cigarette, daryl inhaled deeply the burn hitting his throat as he quickly blew the smoke out his nose.. he kept it in his mouth as he began to look around himself. following behind you, he couldn't help but take a glance at you a few times. He couldn't deny you were attractive.. as sick as it was.. you were a damn attractive young lady. The way you'd never noticed, he could see the lining of your off-white lacey underwear over your low rised dirtied flared jeans.

God what was he thinkin? Thinking about a young lady like you in a awful light.. you were damn young and here he was.. a fucking fossil of a man, thirsting and craving a young woman like you... he wasn't even sure if your virginity had been taken, you'd never talk to guys.. you stayed alone most of the time, unless you were with Carol or maggie.. you clung on them.. but whenever you were with a guy - you became.. awkward and weird .. he noticed. As he continued to puff on his cigarette.. the way your thighs rubbed together in those tight jeans, whenever you bent down to pick something up, and how he could see your soft breasts being barely held in the over worn black bra ... in that stupid white tank top carol forced him to give to you... due to your lack of clothing. He shook his head.. a small grunt of a approval escaping his lips. Grabbing your wrists yanking you upwards.. he could see the slight fear in those big exhausted eyes of yours.

" i think that's more than enough supplies.. "

You looked up at him, and he towered you.. you pulled back your wrist slightly.. nodding.

on your way back from this little supply run, you noticed how daryl walked behind you rather than behind or beside you.. whenever you looked behind you to see if he was still behind you or not, but you noticed how he only seemed to be staring at your ass rather than you. You shifted uncomfortably... not because you felt unsafe you just felt... weird he didn't ask? Cause you were totally interested in him, but you've always thought you were way to young for him, scared ya might make him weirded out with you. You cursed internally, you've always had a thing for older guys, and daryl was fucking perfect in your old guy department.

The way his muscles would be visible underneath that black long-sleeve of his, his usual greasy hair.. his whole entire dirtied look was so attractive to her.. even his scent made her crazy. He reeked of cigarettes that foul scent of decay and fermented blood from walkers, and occasionally, when she was lucky, he'd smell like Irish spring... she guessed that's when he actually took a damn bath.

You must've been standing around for a while. It wasn't until Daryl shoved your shoulder slightly pinning you slightly against the bark of a tree... you blinked, your brows furrowing in confusion.

" Pay attention, kid... what did I tell you? "

You blinked at him like he was an idiot before you nodded.' You're right.. you're right, sorry. ' You spoke, shaking your head before moving forward again... Jesus... she needed to get it through her hair she shouldn't be feeling all these things, thinking all these things about him! Shit he was twice her age. She cursed herself out internally as she now followed daryl, walking slow behind him. There was that awkward silence again... the only noises being crickets and nocturnal animals moving around hunting for prey.. or prey trying to survive. Occasionally, there would be a walker or two. She always stood back.. watching how daryl took it out quickly, he didn't even bother to use his crossbow... just using her own hunting knife skillfully, getting them down to their knees.. before smashing there heads in.. which was much quicker than using his own cross bow. The way his muscles clenched, the way his hands would hold on tightly against her very poorly treated end, and how he managed to stab them no problem despite the blade on her knife being dull and used, how he kept the almost same expression with killing each zombie as if he grew numb and cold to the blood.. the smell the overall decay. You felt yourself bite your lip almost... your crooked teeth grazing over your bottom chapped lip, your fists squeezing as he glanced up at you, his face bloodied from zombies he shook his head.

When you had come back, giving all the stuff to Carol, she smiled, hugging you, patting your shoulder before sending you off... of course her and daryl spoke.. walking around the heavily guarded place.. you... well, you returned to where you were sleeping. Luckily, you were able to get your own place to sleep. As you began to rip off your clothes.. the dirtied and bloodied clothes all landing into the pile that had built in your room, you groaned running a hand through your hair now standing in your off white panties which were stained with dried blood from your fingers.. you cursed under your breath as you looked at the sticky dried blood stuck under your nails, rolling your eyes. Your hands now rested on your side. You stood there bare chested, standing over her messy bed.. in the very dimly lit room.

Gosh... you needed his dirty fingers all over you.. you don't care if you sounded sick or not, you wanted them to grab your thighs.. forcing them open, and stuffing his face deep between your thighs... in your cunt. You held back a moan at the thought.. your fingers running and grazing over your stomach. Just as your fingers were at the hem of your panties.. a large hand grabbed your hip.. grabbing your much smaller hand and forcing his fingers under the hem of your panties along with yours, you were about to scream.. but you smelt a freshly burning cigarette... and immediately almost melted into Daryl's touch. His face deep into the nape of your neck.. sniffing and inhaling your sweet scent. His other hand ran up your side, grabbing your breast his fingers catching onto your nipple, pulling and twisting at it.. forcing tiny noises out of you as you grabbed his arm.. feeling the soft hairs against his forearm.

" this all for me? All pretty.. standing here... waiting for me... teasing me all day.. such a alittle idiot you are, youve got such smooth skin... be a damn shame if i ruined it"

His words were like little sweet nothings running through your brain.. you let out a breathy giggle.. you watched him give one last puff to his cigarette. You honestly thought he was joking on the last part... but as he reached up to grab his dying cigarette, he gave you one glance.. a tiny smirk. Tsss... you gasped in pain.. grabbing onto his arm tightly as you tried to pull away from his grasp, right around your nipple.. for such a small little thing.. it was painful. He quickly let the butt of the cigarette fall against the floor.. now looking at his mark.. your tainted skin. Fucking beautiful.

Just as you about to yell at him for being such a jerk, his fingers began to move in a circular motion.. around your clit..you let out a whine as you realized how needy your cunt was for him. Dripping with juices, all from a damn burn... you arched against him. Groans and whines escaping your lips as your thighs trembled.

" such pretty little moans for me... your cunt is fucking Dripping wet.. fucking slut.. getting wet for an old man like me? Shit... you've really hit the bottom of the barrel huh kid? "

He insulted in your ears... keeping your body pinned against him, you were an arching Dripping trembling mess.. all because of his damn presence. Daryl enjoyed that. You were pathetic and he swallowed that up like a goddamn predator eating up it's prey. He ripped his hands away from your Dripping cunt shoving you against the bed not hesitating to rip apart your panties. His jeans were tight... he was hard solid. You landed against your elbows as you watched how he ripped your favorite pair of panties apart.. you could see the growing ache in his pants as he bent down grabbing your thighs immediately burying his face between them.. his tongue lapping against your pussy licking up any juices.. before he actually got to work.. he was starved and hungry as he looked up at you. He wanted your virgin pussy and it showed.

Daryl buried his face in your pussy, tasting all your juices.. your natural musk.. you, you were unshaven and so natural, It made him so fucking hard.. he swore he came in his pants just at the taste... tangy and sweet you were, he licked you up. He needed this virgin pussy. He needed your innocence. Your young body was everything to him. He let out a guttural groan as he licked his lips.. looking at you.. your face flushed.. you were now a whining stupid mess, daryl slurped.. and slurped against your needy pussy relentlessly he didn't care if he was making you cum over and over again.. he enjoyed your moans your taste.. this virgin pussy of yours, he couldn't take it yet. He wanted to enjoy the taste.. before he'd begin filling you up with his awful fucking seed, tainting your body with him truly claiming your body as his own.

As he kept up this relentlessly God awful pace of eating you out you collapsed.. shaking.. and trembling.. as you let out screams... overstimulated.. you yanked on his hair tightly, before squeezing his head tightly in your thighs.. squirting everywhere.. gushing, draining every ounce of cum from your body... it felt like he drained you of everything if that was even possible. Your thighs trembled as he finally pulled his face away. When you thought he was done... he just wasn't your tired out body now looking up at the shaft of his unshaved dick, a natural sweaty salty odor hit your nose as you whined rather pathetically. You were fucked.

AHGGGHHH SO SORRY, ITS SO RUSHED AND SO SHORT but hyperfixating so hard on twd, daryl and negan >_0 might make a part two.. maybe with negan as well BUT AGGHHH!!! I HOPE THIS IS READABLE!!!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for "forcing" my best friend to break up with his boyfriend?

🧸

I (22 cis m) and my best friend 'A' (21 ftm) have been friends since we were 10 years old and I love him more than anything. He’s genuinely the sweetest, most thoughtful, and funniest person I’ve ever met. He means everything to me and we’ve been there for each other through the hardest times of our lives so far and I plan on staying until the end.

It’s always been us two. Btw, everyone mentioned here uses he/him pronouns exclusively.

A has been with his boyfriend (21 cis m) for about 2 years now, and from what he told me, things were going great. Even if I’m not too fond of his boyfriend. A few days ago, we got pretty drunk at a friend’s housewarming party. A and I live together, and as soon as we got home, he suddenly started rambling about how he wishes his boyfriend cared about him the same way I do.

Legit felt like I was in some dumb romance movie for a moment there. I felt a little uneasy and asked him to elaborate. In short, his boyfriend essentially treats him like a doll instead of a person with real emotions. He feels as though his boyfriend just uses him to get his daily fix of physical affection and sex, that’s it. The only positive thing his boyfriend can say about A is that he’s cute, which boggles my mind. It’s true but there’s so much more to him as a human being.

A is an incredibly talented artist, super kind, super emotionally intelligent, and has a plethora of interests he loves to infodump about. I’m trying my hardest not to make this entire post about how amazing he is. He’s helped multiple friends clean their depression apartments and took them out to get fresh groceries etc. because it’s basic decency to him. He has such a big heart and holds so much love in it for everyone in his life. Being around him is just so easy and makes life worth living.

He’s just an incredible person all around and every single person that has him in their life recognizes that, except his boyfriend. They’ve had issues in the past because they’re not sexually compatible, which led to some miscommunication and made A feel like he was coerced into things he didn’t want to do. He just did them to make his boyfriend happy. He does a lot of things for his boyfriend, actually. He’s constantly buying little gifts, remembering what he likes, and plans cute dates for them to go on. His boyfriend does none of these things.

I want to mention that A has bpd and avpd. He has an intense fear of rejection and will do everything in his power to appease others so they won’t leave him. I always take the time to reassure him that I love him for who he is and not what he can give me. Basically just making sure he feels loved. Keep in mind, his boyfriend is aware of this but he just gets annoyed when A seeks reassurance from him. His behavior has made my blood boil several times in the past already, but I always kept it to myself for A’s sake. If I was vocal about disliking his boyfriend, it probably would’ve caused A a lot of distress and emotional turmoil.

Still, I don’t think this relationship is healthy for A and I know him well enough to know he won’t break it off on his own. It’s just his combo of personality disorders that makes it impossible for him. I told him about my concerns and he agreed, but said he feels bad for his boyfriend since he apparently doesn’t have any friends outside of A. From my POV, it just looks like his boyfriend knows A is out of his league and is grasping at straws to make A stay with him out of pity.

This is where I might be the asshole. I got a little frustrated and raised my voice, which I severely regret. I don’t want to blame it on the alcohol but it definitely had a hand in it. I finally told him about all these grievances I have about his boyfriend, how much I dislike him and how A deserves so much better, etc.. At one point, I essentially gave him an ultimatum. It’s me or his boyfriend. I didn’t really mean it, it was just a heat of the moment thing I spat out. I would never leave him like that.

A started crying and begged me to calm down, at which point I realized how shitty I was being and immediately began apologizing. We hugged, I comforted him, and we spent the rest of the night cuddling and talking about how he could approach the breakup.

Now that I’ve sobered up I feel like absolute shit. I know it’s not my place to tell A what to do with his romantic relationships, even if I’m his best friend. Plus, I want to be 100% honest here and say I might have romantic feelings for A. I think I have for a long time, but I always wrote it off as intense platonic love. So I may be biased in this whole conversation about his boyfriend.

I didn’t say these things because of that. I genuinely think his boyfriend is a huge dick and full of shit, no matter how sweet and loving he pretends to be. It’s all in the way he treats A. He’s one of those guys that paint their nails (nothing wrong with that but you know the kind of guy I’m talking about), pretend to be feminists, and steal their romantic partner’s personality to seem cooler. He even asked A to stop taking testosterone because he didn’t like how hairy A was getting or some shit like that.

He’s pansexual but has only ever dated girls and started dating A before A began medically transitioning. There’s obviously nothing wrong with that and changes nothing about the fact that he’s pansexual, he just pisses me off when he criticizes A for being 'too masculine'. You can have a preference for feminine people but don’t make that shit your partner’s problem when they just want to pass.

I feel like A’s boyfriend just thought A would always stay the smooth, baby-faced twink he was before going on testosterone and now makes him feel guilty for looking like a grown man. Some people don’t know how to appreciate hairy tummies.

Sorry for making this so long but I just want to be as honest and informative as possible to get proper opinions on the issue. A is now dead set on breaking things off because he now knows that I actively despise his boyfriend and he always puts my opinion above everyone else’s.

Was I in the wrong for doing this or am I just protecting my best friend? I’m glad he intends on ending things but I feel a bit like a conniving snake considering everything. It feels like I’m taking advantage of his mental state even if I’m not doing it consciously.

[copperbadge]

Endeavor OTC game for ADHD

antidoteforreality

is it really different from a standard FPS game? I’m curious about it!

Hope it's okay that I popped this into its own post, I found I had a lot to say :D

Context from the earlier post: EndeavorOTC is a paid app based on EndeavorRX, which is a prescription game for kids with ADHD. RX is FDA-approved; OTC is the version that hasn't gone through FDA approval, but it's a fork of the same code. It's fairly repetitive but that's because it's a training module shaped like a game, not a game that happens to do training.

It's less of an FPS and more of an infinite runner, like Sonic Dash or Temple Run. You're in a little ship that flies along a waterway, and you're supposed to hit "energy fields" which help you speed up to catch a critter you're chasing. You can't control your speed; you tilt your device to swerve left or right to hit the energy fields, but that's it. This is the "Steering" skill.

Your other, simultaneous task is to shoot critters that jump out of the water at you, called "targeting". It's a misnomer since you don't tap ON the creatures, you just tap anywhere on the right side of the screen and it shoots them for you, no aim required. These critters come in three colors, and at the start of every mission they tell you only ONE color to shoot. If you shoot the wrong color or miss an energy field while steering, you slow down very slightly. The goal is to speed up so fast that you catch the critter you're chasing, which is, to be fair, quite challenging.

You aren't ever penalized, really; the critter sometimes gets away, but you get points for trying. You don't have "lives", but you are time-limited -- once you've played for 25 minutes (a "dose"), the game locks down for the rest of the day. Something I REALLY like is that once you've paid the subscription price there's nothing else to buy: no ads to watch for bonuses, no microtransactions, no loot crates. You can earn coin to buy different outfits for your avatar, but that's it, and you can't buy coin, you just get a set amount per day for completing the dose. Every 15 missions or so, your ability to steer-target is evaluated and your score adjusted, which lets you know how you're progressing in terms of treatment, rather than skill at the game. You're supposed to play at least five days a week for six weeks as an initial treatment.

The reason I was willing to give it a shot was that the "targeting" aspect is based on the Go/No-Go Task, which is a legit tool they use in ADHD testing, and the aspect of the test I bombed the hardest when I was evaluated. Ongoing Go/No-Go task training has been shown in some research to help emotional regulation, although it's cognitive and not mindfulness. Overall the game is meant to improve focus but it was the Go/No-Go aspect that I found most compelling as a reason to try.

It's not cheap; you can get a 7-day trial but only if you pre-emptively subscribe, and if you don't cancel the subscription at the end of the 7 days you are charged $130, which I admit is a sneaky move to pull on a population not known for remembering to cancel subscriptions. The first thing I did after signing up was go to google play and cancel the subscription -- I still got to keep the trial -- but honestly when my trial is up I'll probably subscribe, it's a fun little game and I'm willing to risk the money to see if it helps (but I'm also in a position to spend $130 "just to see"). You can also do month-to-month for $25 but obviously the $130 yearly sub is much cheaper in the long run.

I've seen a wide variety of reactions to it, from delight to frustration, although a lot of the frustration seems to be from people who are more accustomed to intense gaming and are treating it like a video game and not a training tool. I'll keep you guys posted on how it goes.

[btsficsandsuch]

I Know I Look Good, but That’s No Reason to be This Upset

You have insecurities after seeing how good your boyfriend looks in a Calvin Klein ad. Jungkook does his best to cheer you up in his own way.

Mentions of insecurities. Some hints of adult themes.

You watched the video over and over. Your boyfriend Jungkook dancing through a parking garage shirtless with a loose tie around his neck. He looks incredible. You’re going through comment after comment saying how sexy he is, how good he looks, how incredible his abs are, and so on. You know that you should be happy as you’re the person that this man comes home to everyday but you can’t help but take a hit to your self-esteem and your insecurities were starting to rear their ugly head.

You had just started getting over the first drop of photos from the Calvin Klein shoot that made you feel absolutely awful about yourself. Jungkook always tried his hardest to make sure you knew how beautiful you were and that he only had eyes for you, but there was always this thought in the back of your mind that you couldn’t get rid of. You felt that he deserved someone prettier. Someone with abs and curves in all the right places. Seeing him look like a legit model with people all over the world drooling over him made you realize just how “plain” you were. You saw yourself as just average on a good day and when you were feeling down, like right now, you couldn’t even dare to look at yourself in a mirror and you definitely didn’t understand how Jungkook could even look at you.

For some reason you just couldn’t turn your laptop off. You played the ad over and over, each time a little piece of your self-esteem drifting away. Before you know it there were tears rolling down your face. You couldn’t stop yourself from thinking of all the reasons Jungkook would be so much better without you. He should be with another idol or even a model. Someone he could be proud to be seen with. The fans knew about you two and at first things were rough with hateful comments and posts but after Jungkook went live and gave them a stern talking to explaining that he loved you and them being mean towards you wouldn’t change anything they did start to treat you better, for the most part. You still got the occasional comment saying how ugly you were or that Jungkook could do so much better. Usually you could just ignore them except when you felt like this. You start to think back to every hurtful comment and post you’ve seen, including the few under the ad asking what this man sees in you. More and more you start to believe them.

You’re so wrapped up in your thoughts that you don’t hear Jungkook walk into the room. He slowly makes his way behind you hoping to scare you in a playful way but then he notices your shoulders shaking and he can hear your sniffles. He looks at your laptop screen and sees his ad playing on loop. He can also see some of the comments saying not so nice things about you. Deep down he knows why you’re crying but he’s hoping he can cheer you up with some humor. “”Aww Y/N, are you crying tears of joy at the fact that you get to sleep next to a stud like that every night?”, he says startling you.

You quickly wipe away the tears that have fallen and chuckle, “Oh yeah, I’m just over the moon.” Jungkook walks around and sits next to you on the couch wrapping his arm around your shoulder, “Y/N tell me what’s really wrong?” You shake your head not wanting to involve him in your insecurities, “Nothing, I’m fine. I just got a little emotional.” Jungkook knows you better than you think. He smiles, “I know I look good Y/N but that’s no reason to be this upset.” You smile at his attempts to make you laugh. You lean into him resting your head on this shoulder, “Why are you with me Kookie? Do you ever wish you could have someone else?”

Jungkook squeezes you a little tighter, “Never Y/N. If I didn’t want to be you I wouldn’t. That’s 100% the truth.” You look up at your boyfriend and you can see the sincerity in his eyes but you still need reassurance, “Do you mean that? Sometimes I just think you could do so much better but I think you’re too nice to leave.” He softly wipes away at the last few tears left on your cheeks, “Y/N I think you’re beautiful. Everything you hate about yourself I find a reason to love. There isn’t anything about you I would change.”

Slowly with his words you begin to feel better. Jungkook closes the laptop and slides it under the couch so that it’s out of site and out of mind. He grabs your hand and starts to pull you towards the bedroom. “Kookie what are you doing?”, you ask with a giggle. “Well I’m currently wearing all this Calvin Klein merchandise.”, he says showing you the band of his underwear. “And since it seems to make you so upset I thought maybe you could come help get it off of me.”, he says with a smirk and a wink before pulling you even faster to the bedroom.

[fellshish]

hi, thoughts on five and lila?

I know a lot of fans hate this storyline with a passion and i’m almost nervous to say i… don’t :/ prefacing this by saying that i’ve been a pretty casual fan over the years, wasn’t active in the tua fandom, didn’t read fics for it etc.

Then s4e5 pushed certain buttons in me that really draw me into a ship.

I think yes of course it’s two flawed people making flawed decisions. But it’s also at its core very very human to me. They spent literal years going through all these life-in-danger situations together releasing all the falling in love type of dopamine. They didn’t have anyone but each other. They were lonely. They bonded. Things happen in such situations.

It also helps that i didn’t headcanon five as ace (which is a totally legit take on the character btw i’m not trying to put my own opinion above anyone else’s). For me the way he was living decades alone and fell in love with a mannequin the way he did, showed how desperate he was for romantic love and touch [again, just my own reading]. It makes sense to me that his second time around, he fell hard.

For me where their storyline pushed my buttons the hardest was the tragedy of it all. When lila called what they had ‘survival’ and five’s heart broke — like the closest thing to love he’s ever had in his life was just a play-acting of love. I simply cannot resist a blorbo who believes love is not in the cards for him.

Obviously lila was always going to choose her children and diego, even if she genuinely cared about five. Makes sense. It’s all so very morally grey and human.

So yeah. Buttons? Pushed. Sorry…

[cooligas]

I feel like y’all don’t understand that the roots of Aemond being an evil mf, is bc he was bullied as a child and the adults didn’t care enough. Him losing an eye and never getting justice worsened him and he doesn’t want to appear weak EVER AGAIN. The last time he did (brothel scene) he got mocked AGAIN by his brother.

“I don’t understand what did Alicent do to him for him to act like that towards her”

First he was raised with misogynistic ideas around him (his mother being a victim of it and a misogynist at the same time) so ofc he will look down on women. Second, yes she was the one who stood up for him when he lost his eye but she literally allowed Aegon to bully him as long as it’s not in public, at the same time. He’s also frustrated because she didn’t condone what happened to Luke and didn’t want him to be part of the green council to begin with.

Mostly and most importantly ; she is the person he loves the most. Love = weakness to him. Hence the fact that he’s the only main character with zero love interest btw (for the moment). She’s the personification of all the feelings he can’t bare to express anymore.

“I don’t understand why he burned Aegon”

Aemond is basically a teenager (important to remember that) who is impulsive (he regrets the shit he did to luke) and has anger issues. He attacks people who hurt him and the people he loves (bc yes, he does love). He has conflicted feelings for Aegon because of all the shit he did to him. He e wants the throne not really for himself but to win the war at all costs, because his mother always told them that the family would be in danger if team black was ruling. Also to show that he is capable of great things (he claimed the biggest dragon to show that he isn’t a weak bullied kid) and that he is better than Aegon.

His brother never showed real affection towards him (him allowing Aemond to be part of the green council was pure strategy since he has Vhagar) and spent most of his life degrading him and bullying him. Y’all also forget that he is the reason he’s sexually traumatised bc he allowed him to get sexually abused. Aemond has more reasons to hate Aegon than to love him. We legit have zero scene of them being lovely brothers to each others btw.

The whole “I’m strong and nothing and nobody scares me” is just a facade. Look at the way he tried his hardest not to look at alicent (or cry but you didn’t hear that from me) when she talked to him on episode 6 bc he knows his mask would fall off. It’s a shield he uses to protect himself and to never show weakness bc he doesn’t want to be mocked and hurt anymore.

Aemond genuinely didn’t seem like a bad kid before losing his eye. He was sympathetic, he still felt empathy (towards Helaena, Jace during the funerals). If he had been raised with kindness, and was not being filled with filthy ideas against women or his nephews by his MOTHER, if his father slightly gave a f about him and his siblings and if people actually cared about him being bullied and him losing an eye, he would’ve been a normal human being.

[randomalistic]

first off. i can't believe that i already followed you- your spam blog -and didn't know.

second. i literally just had a dream shere i was rambling to someone about turbo using stuff from your essay. apparently it rewired my brain so hard it, and you, manifested in my dreams lol (i even made a bad joke that "you can say he's Turbo-tastic!" hah)

and congratulations on making such great work of art that is the essay, you can feel and hear the love(and hyperfixation) poured into it.

i do wonder tho, what was the hardest part when making it?

I’m so glad you enjoyed it yay :)❤️ and also recognized me from my sneo blog LOL

I feel that so horrendously much. I legit had a dream a few nights ago about someone APPROACHING ME cuz they recognized my voice from the essay (girl get an ego check) but they then said “dude it’s so obvious you’re into him” or something. And I was like. 🧍‍♀️Well you don’t have to say it out loud

Anyways you’re not the only one cuz the video haunts me too. even after its birth.

The hardest part?? Oh Man. Can I say Everything.

There were a few stretches that were REALLY TOUGH. short answer: Entire first half of the video. Also the longer parts like the Manipulation section, Turbo reveal section, and the Cybug King Candy section. I had a lot to say for these and it was tricky to condense it into something Comprehensible

Long answer:

I completely overhauled the entire first half of the video (EVERYTHING before the kart breaking scene) because I wasn’t satisfied with the writing/delivery etc. (Which was a good choice because my arguments were pretty half baked before) but oh my god that was like a week and a half of 7 hour recording and rewriting sessions it was brutal. Especially annoying because those arguments were super old and I was getting sick of thinking about them. So instead I used them as a backbone to structure better arguments and revamp the script so that kept me from going insane. However it was also really fun because I got to see my old ass arguments finally be explained to their fullest capacity. And also I got to write shit like ☝️🤓Excuse me sir your turbo is showing..

The biggest issue with this being my first ever video essay and it taking so goddamn long: you could SEE my writing/editing/voicing skills improve over the span of the video itself. Which is really cool improvement wise but REALLY . REALLY BAD CONSISTENCY WISE. Like the first half of the video is the part people are gonna see first. It SETS EXPECTATIONS. IT HAS TO BE PEAK

I think I re-edited the synopsis upwards of 5-6 times. Which makes sense as that was like the first thing I started the project with but ouhvhhhgghghr. Making a section from scratch is WAY easier than going back and having to redo something

Early on I cut out an entire fully edited/scripted/recorded 3 minute section of me talking about Megamind and its sequel because I realized. This is pointless and everyone has TALKED ABOUT MEGAMIND BEFORE AND THIS HAS NOTHIBG TO DO WITH WRECK IT RALPH. There were a lot of scrapped ideas

Audio was also really challenging, just entirely. Making sure the levels were consistent (I had absolutely zero voice volume normalization I did it all manually 😭 I’m gonna have to figure out how to do that) Also just the concept of recording my voice and having to speak out loud in a space was Real Bad for my anxiety but You Do it Scared. Had to wait until I was home alone or like 99% sure I was alone before I could say anything without worrying. Also training my voice to sound engaging and consistent was so hard and it took maybe 6 months for me to get it down. Also I had no fucking idea where to record, like at first I was recording in a CLOSET (and later under a piano??) and then I was wondering why my lines sounded so weird. Then I realized I could just Record in a room and it would sound JUST FINE. So basically uhhh every single part was the hardest part. But it was worth it and very fun I think 🫶

[nattylvr]

When you get a taste, can you tell me what’s my flavor?

requested\ yes

a/n: i got a request for a Tai slowburn, so you know i had to make it a homoerotic friendship, hope you enjoy it💞

warnings: best friends longing for each other, talk about exes, a little bit of angst

summary: You and Taissa were just friends, right?

Taissa was your best friend, nothing more, nothing less. You were on the same soccer team and you did everything together, but that’s normal, right?

Anyhow, her birthday was this Saturday and you made it your personal mission to let her have the best birthday ever, the one she’ll always remember. The whole squad was in on it, you already agreed with Lottie to have it at her huge ass house, nicely decorated. Nat and Van were gonna take care of the booze, and Jackie and Shauna were on food. You had the hardest task of all, and that was to convince her to show up. You’d thrown her a rager, with the whole school invited basically, but it wasn’t any good if she wasn’t there. Now, she loves parties, big ones, but convincing her to casually go to Lottie’s house on her birthday? That was gonna be tough, since Tai is known to be stubborn.

“How do you think i should convince her to come?” You asked Lottie, who was sat next to you at our lunch table

“What, you haven’t told her yet?” Lottie asked a little shocked

“No, of course not! I want it to be a surprise!” You said like it was the most obvious thing in the world

“Jesus Christ…I have no idea. But you better figure it the fuck out, or it’ll all have been for nothing!” Lottie said annoyed

“I kno-“

“What will have been for nothing?” Taissa asked, appearing behind us

“Uhh, my studying for the math quiz, if I don’t do well” Worst lie in history. Lottie seemed to think so as well when she had to hold back a laugh

“I’ll meet you guys later” Lot said getting up, the tension could’ve been cut with a knife

Tai sat across me, you kept eating and refusing to look her in the eye.

“Is there something you’re not telling me?” Tai asked knowing you couldn’t lie for too long

“No, everything is good…I mean not like good, just like…normal.” Good job!

“Mhm…and I definitely didn’t hear you talking about a surprise, right?” She asked staring right at my soul

“Fine, God I threw you a party…and it was supposed to be a surprise.” You said defeated

“Wha- Wait like a legit party?” Tai asked

“Yeah It’s at Lottie's, I made like a thousand written and copied invitations for our entire class and it said ‘Don’t mention to Taissa’ with these big red letters” When you told her about it you sounded kinda dorky to yourself, but it didn’t seem that way to her at all

“Don’t shy away, that’s so sweet of you! And I’ll totally act surprised in front of the others if you want me to.” She said holding your hand on the table gently

“Oh will you, reallyyy?” You asked her, you really wanted the girls to think she was mesmerized by your oh so hard work

“Yeah, sure.” She said not letting go of your hand

That was a success, but you couldn’t shake the feeling of only one thing.

Her hand was so soft

You just wanted to hold it forever. But that’s normal for best friends, right?

Yet there you were, supposed to be focusing on a test while thinking of Taissa’s hands

When school was done, you got in your car, of course you were giving Tai a ride, so you waited for her. It is safe to say when you saw her exiting school you were not happy. She was walking with Van who she used to date. In her defense they did break up on good terms, but you still didn’t like it. But that’s normal, you were just looking out for your friend, right?

“Hey sweetie” Tai said opening the passenger seat door and getting in

“Hi love…so what are you gonna wear tomorrow?” You asked her in anticipation

“Well I was thinking that orange dress, with the headband, they match” She said touching up her gloss, looking in her compact mirror

“I’m not sure whether to wear a dress at all.”

“You should, you always wear baggy clothes.” Tai said

“Why does that matter?” You asked her as you started to drive

“Well you look super hot when you dress up.”

She was leaning her head against the seat looking right at you. At this point you were really hoping she wouldn’t notice the slight redness that spread across your cheeks. I mean it’s still normal to blush when your friend compliments you…

As you got home you basically tried on your entire closet. You really wanted her to be impressed by your look, and didn’t even realize it had been hours. How is it possible you have quite literally nothing to wear? However in a time of crisis you dialed the first person who came to mind for fashion advice.

“Jackie! I need serious help.” You leaned against the wall, whining to her on the phone

“What’s going on?” She didn’t even need to ask who called, that kinda humbled you

“I need fashion advice! Like what the fuck do I wear for Tai to think I’m hot?” That last part must’ve just slipped out…

“What? Why would you want Tai to think you’re hot?” She asked, sounding genuinely confused

“Just forget I said that, but pleaseeeee Jackie You have to lend me something!”

“Fine, fine…I’ll give you the red dress, the one I gave Shauna some time ago”

“The boob dress?”

“That would be the one…”

“Okay, you’re the best. Love ya mwah mwah” You said, not waiting for her to say anything before hanging up

You still couldn’t shake the feeling of quite a few things. Why were you so obsessed with Taissa thinking you look good? And why were you so envious of Van, it didn’t make any sense to you. You kept thinking about these things until you fell asleep and the next day subtly rolled around. You were woken up by the doorbell at around 10am, and your mother calling you over, telling you that it’s for you.

“Jackie, hey” You said, opening the door and seeing the paper bag in her hand

“Hey, I came to drop off the dress…you look like shit, did you sleep okay?” She asked bluntly

“Gee, thanks…I slept okay I just have a lot on my mind.” Well you weren’t lying

“If you say so, here you go.” She said handing me the bag

“Thanks. Wanna come in?” You didn’t really want her to, but you did ask her to be polite

“No I have to go to back home, my mom is having people over for brunch…I’ll see you tonight.”

“Okay, bye.”

As the day slowly but agonizingly passed, you started getting ready. You did your makeup all nice, same for your hair, and were genuinely amazed by how good your boobs looked in that dress. Now you were supposed to pick up Tai.

Why were you so nervous over it

Nevertheless, you made it to her house, watching her exit her home. You jaw almost went slack on the floor because of how beautiful she looked. How was it even possible?

“Happy birthday Tai!” You squealed when she entered the car

“Thank you love” She said putting on her seatbelt and smiling at you

“ I’m so excited to get fucked up” You said as you started driving over to Lottie’s

“Yeah well not too fucked up, you know how you get” She said mockingly

“I’m not that bad at all!” You try to defend yourself

“Dude you are so lightweight.” She said like it was the most obvious thing in the world

You had a small pit in your stomach as you parked by the house. It was a gnawing feeling that something was gonna happen and ruin your mood. But for the time being you chose to ignore it and make sure Tai has fun. She played off the fake surprise perfectly, and you lot got to partying your asses off.

But that gross gut feeling turned out to be true. The more she drank the more she hung out with Van. They were all touchy and it was making you sick. Drink after drink you started losing your mind, and danced with the first person who asked you to do so. Little did you know Taissa was on the verge of tears when she saw you grinding against someone else.

You didn’t even know how you felt anymore. Everything was fuzzy and you couldn’t make out a single familiar face. That is, until you saw Natalie sitting by the bonfire with her burnout friends, deciding to go and recollect yourself there.

“Hey Nat”

“Oh, hi” She said. You could see she was high off her ass.

“You havin’ fun?” She asked

“No.” Natalie was easy to talk to, especially when you were both out of it

“Oh, what happened?” She asked nonchalantly, but you knew she did care

“I think I’m in love with my best friend.” You couldn’t believe you actually said it out loud. After all this time denying it to yourself and everyone around you, it felt a bit freeing

“Yeah no shit” She said with a small chuckle

“That obvious?”

“…Yeah” Nat said confronting you

“You should drink some water”

“So should you”

“Touchè”

___________________________________________

After sobering up a little you found yourself playing truth or dare with about 20 kids. Tai and Van were still attached at the hip, it made you wanna throw up.

“Okay, birthday girl. Truth or dare?”

You didn’t really catch who asked her

“Hmm…dare” Taissa said holding her red solo cup and taking a sip of her beer

“I dare you…to make out with your little girlfriend”

Van, they were talking about Van. Your heart flipped as you silently prayed she wouldn’t go through with it.

“Dare’s a dare” She said as she kissed her ex. You couldn’t even take it, so you ran off to your car, sitting in it and weeping for a few minutes until you heard someone come in

___________________________________________ Taissa’s POV

I kissed Van and it felt almost nauseating. She was into it, eveyone was. Kinky teenage boys screaming for us, which made it so much worse. As i finally pulled away i noticed that y/n was gone. I sat there not sure what to do. I went to the kitchen to get a drink and take my mind off of her.

“Well you successfully made her jealous” Van’s voice.

“What?” I asked, knowing full well that was what I tried to do

“Your best friend, the one who basically ran off?” Van said

“I wasn’t trying to-“ I try to defend myself

“Look Tai, her car’s still out front. Do what you gotta do” Van said and her words cut deep as a knife. I basically ran over to her, as i found her with ruined mascara and that awful, sad look in her eyes.

___________________________________________ Your POV

“Taissa?” You said as you saw her with a worried look on her face

“Listen, I was such an idiot for doing that, but I’m here now, okay?” She said completely out of breath

“Tai what are you-“

You were cut off by her lips pressing against yours. She captured you in the sweetest kiss you had ever exchanged, the perfect first one. As her arms were around your neck, your hands found her waist, pulling her flush against you

“That.”

[sirfrogsworth]

Yes?

I can acknowledge a hundred problematic things about Harvard and legacy admissions and ridiculous tuition and endowments while still saying you can get an amazing education if you go there and apply yourself.

Yes, you can coast by and do the bare minimum and graduate at the bottom of your class and basically spend tens of thousands of dollars for nothing and leave with about the same knowledge you had when you started.

But I actually know someone who went to Harvard Law. One of the hardest things they ever did. They had to work their ass off. And because they actually wanted the best education possible and went into it with that mentality, that is exactly what they got.

So I guess you could say you cannot *just* go to Harvard and that is impressive. But if you thrive at Harvard and graduate with honors, that is a legit accomplishment.

So yes, graduating with honors from Harvard is impressive. Just as Tom Morello's wicked whammy guitar solos are impressive. There is a reason it has been a top 10 school in nearly every category for like the last hundred years.

But you don't have to be a Harvard grad to be impressive. I impress from time to time and I only graduated high school.

And you can definitely completely ruin that impressive feat by being Ted Cruz.

[weaselbeaselpants]

I'm not surprised. Just sick. cw: involves current politics

--Referring to Lorch's old comments abt how Palestine and Israel should 'fight to the death' and how she doesn't care about the conflict because it's been 'going on for a decade now'. ---

Everyone on the planet has been watching it unfold for (WELL MORE THAN) a decade. A great deal of us are only just now learning why it's as serious as it is which is also why people are horrified and trying to combat it now in the only ways we can. Why many of us are trying are very hardest to make sure we say and do the right things. Some of us don't like being called antisemitic for calling what Israel is doing wrong, espec not those of us who are Jewish themselves >> some of us aren't comfortable saying ''yeah literally every Israeli person ever is inherently evil and should leave the place they were born in it's easy :D'' and then get told we don't care about Palestine at all or enough. Some of us are making mistakes; like Susan Sarandon saying 'Jewish people don't know what it's like to suffer' to thinking Andrew Tate is an ally for saying he hates Israel (yes rlly). It's bad. It's not fun. Not 'being a victim of an active genocide and told you and your family are inherent scammer bots'-bad; not 'being called just evil as the group in history who genocided your grandparents'-bad, but bad.

I bring it up so much because I think it's so relevant to this conversation: the first thing I saw that outright said "Israel's not all it cracks up to be; they're committing a genocide" was Waltz with Bashir, an Israeli movie. I don't think Ari Foleman is even as critical as Eli Valley ftr, but that he and the soldiers he interviewed were willing to say that at all is what got me invested in this cause. Then it was little things one after another, like how I seriously didn't know 1980s Iran even had cars because, despite disagreeing with Bush all these years, I still believed his and modern American propaganda about how backwards the middle east is.

I wasn't even trying. I just googled and watched a movie and did some thinking on myself. I don't think I really started trying until 2023 when I joined the boycott.

How hard is it to care? How hard is it to have even the slightest bit of empathy?

And once again, Lorch, I'd rather you of ALL PEOPLE not do this while lecturing us Americans on how we should have voted and how that means we care or not about Gaza. One of the pro-Palestinian bloggers I follow hates Harris and I know def didn't vote for the dems. They're as passionate about Palestine as they are because they are an anti-colonization blog. Very VERY nice of you to assert this person, who's done more for this cause than you ever have, is a 'loafer' and 'lazy'. Very nice.

I guess that makes sense when just a couple years ago, I caught you [Lily] reblogging said person's post about blood-quantum. Their post was about the way blood-quantum is colonizer's standard for how native/non-native ppl judge each other. How it shouldn't matter compared to doing things for your community. I know the reason you reblogged this person's post, Lily. Must have been good to reblog that to affirm you're legit and then do nothing else for anyone ever.

I'm sure someone already knows the blogger I'm talking about and the post of theirs Lily's appropriated reblogged. (It's NOT Heritageposts) I GENUINELY don't want to @ them anything about Lily Orchard because they have been unfairly banned AND are dealing with chronic illness on top of all their protesting. They don't need more pain. They're the person who got me really into 'this' and is why my eyes are opened now and can never look back. They're the person who introduced me to the world of antizionists (and so also Jewish antizionists who are truly having to shift through the most asinine shit said abt their religion and their cause rn). The person who told me to make my own decisions for me and that taking a job with a company with opposing views did not make me any less of an ally to Palestine or indigenous rights.

They're the person you're saying 'didn't care', Lily.